Snow Country Holiday
by NUMA-WAFFLE
Summary: The Akatsuki commemorate the leaving of Orochimaru, go on holiday, have fun, and kill things. This story will be filled with "funniness" and "RandomNESSSSS!" Enjoy.
1. Chapter 1

A story of fun, relaxing, and an evil organisation on holiday. This is set before Deidara dies, just after Hidan gets trapped, and Kakuzu is dead.

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For my good friend **Mephiles** id: 1195310, thanks for showing me Country Holiday Chapter 1: The decision.

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"Pein we've been looking for the Jinchuriki for 3 months now can we take a break?"

"No the ramen traps will work and I want to see his face when his beloved ramen brings him down."

"It won't work you do know that right?"

"Behold," (ZAP, BOOM, QUACK, MOO) "See Hidans head it did."

"That's not him so let's take a break, a nice relaxing beast free holiday."

"Ok, Hidans head but we need someone to pay all of it, where is Kakuzus ghost?"

"He did not repent to Jashin the poor sad fool, and call me Hidan, leave out the head part."

"But then there will be nothing left of you."

"I HATE YOU."

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Later at Zetsu's mansion.

"So let me get this straight, because Kakuzu is dead, and I'm the next in financial ranking you can all the way here just to ask for money to go on holiday for you, Itachi, Kisame and Hidan?"

"Yes that's about it; can we have the money now?"

"So what about saying 'hi' or inviting us to come along as well?"

"Hi, we want to go on holiday, do you want to come with?"

"Okay but Tobi comes as well, he could use a break."

"Well because you're the financial controller where should we go?"

"_Snow Country seems nice, although the snow in The Lightning Country is better."_

"I heard financial talk."

"Kakuzu how did your come back?"

"THE POWER OF GREED!"

"Alright off to the snow we go." (Insert the title music here.)

"One question, how do we all get there?"

"Meet me in Konohagakure tomorrow morning, bring all of your things, I will arrange the transport."

"Thanks Zetsu, well see you tomorrow guys."

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The next day.

"Before we leave we must follow the tradition, it is an anniversary of Orichimaru's leaving. I declare today the start of most evil week."

Later

"The first contest; who is the most evil, for this year it will be bunnies. You will get points for how you kill them, and you may not kill anyone else's bunnies. Everyone get to your assigned places. Pein can start."

Pein; "Rikudo Pein mode", proceeds to bombard the bunnies with blasts of chakra.

Konan; "Origami cannon, thousand paper cuts", shredded bunny bits (not a pretty sight.)

Zetsu; "No remains, consume the enemy", burp.

Itachi; "Tsukuyomi", bunny screams were heard across the ninja world, as the last was dying he used Amaterasu to finish them off. (Very evil)

Deidara; "Kibaku Nendo", chunks of chard bunny bits flew all over.

Hidans head; "I offer this bunny to Jashin." starts praying for 40 hours. (Gets disqualified)

Kakuzus ghost; "Money from bunny pelts no jutsu", dead, skinned bunnies lay glistening and pink, soon to be sold as food.

Kisame; "Samehada", starts singing (I'm blue daba dee daba DIE) and shaves all the bunnies to death.

Tobi; "A cute bunny", hugs it so sight that the neck snaps. Cries, then sees a new bunny, the process continues till there are no more bunnies. (Poor Tobi)

"The awards: Itachi, most evil. Kisame, creative. Tobi, unexpected and most fun to watch awards.

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Later

"WHAT HOW ARE WE GOING TO GET THERE ON THOSE?"

"Well my family breeds them for long distance travels, they can carry us and all of your things, it's just one of the things money can bring, and they taste good too."

"THEY'RE PEOPLE!"

"So what's your point Diedara?"

"We can't ride on them, it just seems wrong."

"It's just like a piggy-back ride, or in a rickshaw, you can use your clay birds if you want."

"Well I'm out of clay, shut up Sasori, I know I didn't prepare. Let's go!"

"Wait, Tobi you can't bring all of that, Konoha needs food as well, besides I have waffles, more than enough for all of us, but I probably won't give you any."(Both of Zetsus sides do an evil laugh)

"But…my…cookies."

And so the Akatsuki set off to the Snow Country for a holiday that no one will forget, nor will their counselors.

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Please review, p.s it had inside jokes for my friends.

P.P.S friends if you didn't get it, Zetsu, waffles, human slaves (From Coo), and the money part.


	2. Chapter 2

First I would like to to thank all who looked at this story this story, but please note that REVIEWS make life so much better, and If I don't get reviews my pet monkey will beat me, sadly he can overpower me... please review

I don't own Naruto, and neither do you!!!

SORRY FOR THE SHORTNESS, I want to spend a bit more time on my other stories...

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Chapter 2 the journey

During the journey to the Snow Country, the Akatsuki held the 2nd game, an interrogation/torture skill contest. For this the best method won, they would use Ibiki Morino. Deidara was the judge.

This all happened a day after the other, as to give a fair time judging. Sasori used a truth poison, Kisame started shaving him, and Konan gave him thousands of paper cuts. Itachi used the usual Tsukuyomi, Hidan was disqualified for during a ritual for too long. Kakuzu, chopped bits off and sold them, he failed. Tobi hugged him, and Pein just stood there and Ibiki started to cry… Pein had killed most of Ibiki's friends right in front of him at a young age.

Pein came 1st, Itachi 2nd and Konan came 3rd.

For some strange reason all the inns that they went to were all full, until Kakuzu showed them the money he had, in the end he didn't pay a single thing, being in a feared crime organization of S-rank missing nin comes with some perks.

When they finally arrived at the snowy resort Pein had got for them, Kakuzu told them a very bad thing. He had changed the location in order to get some more money. Itachi was so angry that he used Tsukuyomi on him: and for 48 hours money flew just out of his reach. They then went to a super luxury hotel and made Kakuzu pay for everything with of his money.

"So what do you guys want to do?"

"Sledding or hot springs, or climb the glaciers."

"Climbing is too easy."

"Shut up Zetsu all you do is phase to the next part."

The Akatsuki decided that they would climb with the use of no techniques, after a long argument about Zetsu cheating. They asked around the town as to which was the toughest mountain to climb, their answer: Death Valley.

End of chapter 2

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Sorry again for the shortness, but please review, and give ideas, I will put some in the 4th chapter. 


	3. Chapter 3

Sorry for the long lack updates, I am currently working on 8 other stories.

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Chapter 3 Death Valley

"Death Valley sounds pleasant, well can we start climbing?" said the floral humanoid, as he started to ascend the incline of said mountain. The others started to climb as well, all bringing their own entertainment. Tobi was in charge of carrying Hidans head, he kept dropping it, Tobi would also blurt out random things, and this made Hidan wish that he had a body even more.

"My loyal partners, and fellow Akatsuki members, and Hidan-"

"Hey, I can here you!"

"I know, but we must have the day's competition, climbing to the top the fastest. Everyone may use Chakra, but no summons, puppets, paper, or clay things. You can use any other transport, Zetsu you will be the referee, and if anyone cheats, bring them back to the bottom, seal the Chakra and make them climb back up. Also whoever looses will have to carry all of our things and Hidan."

"You do realize I can still hurt you, so don't make me gnaw your toes off."

"You all get 1 minute to get ready." Said the black and white flower man, he then started to fade into the race course called Death Valley. As tradition in Akatsuki races, everyone had to spread out; you were not allowed to interfere with anyone else.

Deidara powered his legs with Chakra, so that he could jump high and land well. The power surging through his legs caused the ground under him to crumble; this made him fall back down several times.

Kakuzu used his tentacles to climb; he unfortunately got a part of the course that was mainly weak, breaking ground.

Pein just made his six bodies work together, all helping the other. He/they were in the lead at the half way point. Zetsu made it a stopping zone.

Sasori was annoyed about not being able to use his Hiroko, he decided to use his strongest asset as a puppet; can't get fatigued muscles. Using the natural climbing method he was second at the waiting point.

Konan decided that if she could not use paper to fly up, she would use wind chakra to flatten her course, making climbing easier.

Kisame used his amazing control of water to fill up in his area only, a gigantic block of water appeared in front of him. As he started to swim up he realized his mistake; the water started to mix with the soil, this turned the whole thing to mud. He got stuck in the mud, but thanks to his sword's special nature, cut himself free and started to surf up.

Itachi did not really care about this and just started to walk at his usually slow walking speed. Whenever he came across an obstacle he would simply blow it up, whenever he came across any living things he would use Genjutsu or Tsukuyomi to torture them.

Hidan had somehow attached a cute teddy bear to a stick and put the stick in front of Tobi. He also told Tobi that if he won he would get a party, get hugs from everyone and Deidara would admit that he really cares about him. Tobi stated to chase the teddy and ran even faster, and in the right direction, when he heard the hugs part. Tobi did not stop for anything; rocks, trees, huge chasms or for pure vertical cliff faces. Hidan was amazed by Tobi's power; running on air was hard to do even with the use of Chakra, but to do it with just pure joy, desire and speed was near impossible. Just before he/they had reached the top Zetsu had brought them to the resting point.

After everyone had made it and Tobi was finally still, Zetsu had some things to straighten out.

"So far, Pein is first, Tobi didn't stop so he gets the same as Deidara, Kakuzu and Itachi. Pein, Konan, Sasori and Kisame get free food for the rest of the holiday. Everyone else has to pay for them, and Kakuzu has to pay double and give generous tips."

"Hey that's not fair!"

"It's your fault for being so greedy. Everyone get ready, GO, again."

Tobi ran to the top in seconds, Kisame came second, Sasori came third and Konan came fourth.

The others came later.

"Well that was fun." Said Kisame, as he got a silver medal, Tobi got the gold medal, but Hidan said that it was his idea that made Tobi run so fast.

"Well it would fall off you, so ha!"

"Tobi, give me the medal, do not make me kill you."

"Shut up the both of you, it would seem that we have a tie for last place, Itachi and Kakuzu. Now to see how gets the punishment of Hidan-"

"I can still hear you; stop talking about me like I'm just extra weight."

"As I was saying, if you fail the task you will have to pay, carry and clean, and repair."

"So what must we do," asked the very old and greedy Akatsuki member, "And can I make any profit from it?"

"Well as you know this is called 'Death Valley', but what you might not know is how it got that name. Long ago there was a ninja clan, The Ookami (Wolf in Japanese), a clan that specialized in wolves, they had bred 'super wolves', they were smarter than most human, stronger and faster than most Shinobi, and four times the size of your average wolf. The clan found ways to fuse with the wolves, link their minds, when that happened the wolf gained some human abilities and the human gained some wolf abilities.

After some time they could shape shift into one another, both becoming were-beasts: half man and half wolf. During one of the Shinobi wars, the Ookami clan fought the foreign Shinobi, fang and claw against kunai: most of them died but they protected their country, ever since then all the wolves in the country came to this valley once a month and howl. For you see in this valley is where they fought. Now your task is to find one of the wolf warriors' relics and bring it here. The relics were scrolls that explained the secret of wolves; the secret of all their power."

"So we must find the scroll, and bring it here, then what, can I sell it?"

"NO! I need their power, but I will tell you about that later. Now go and find the scroll."

Later at the hotel, Deidara was thinking about what has happened since he had joined the Akatsuki.

"Sasori-sempai, how did you come back from the dead?"

"You foolish boy, do you ever prepare for anything?"

"What so you knew that you were going to die?"

"No, I just have back-up bodies."

"Ok that explains a lot." Deidara always thought Sasori had a problem with perfection and detail.

"When you are a perfect planer like me, you would be able to live forever, but you can't even bring extra clay. You will die painfully and as the failure that you are."

"For the whole speech that you just gave me, I have been placing explosives in your body; don't make me kill you for real."

"I doubt you brought enough clay for that", BOOM "My tail, you will regret that."

"I have 80 more bombs inside you, each 10 percent stronger than the last, so I suggest that you start being kinder, and be happy for once… I HATE TOBI HE'S MAKING ME SOFT!"

"You are soft", BOOM "My leg, you just destroyed one of my back legs."

"I know I was hoping that it would be one of your inside ones."

"And if you must know I can be happy, I just choose not to."

"**Attention, everyone meet at the top of the mountain in 15 minutes."**

"Zetsu-san where are you, I can't see you but I can here you, Zetsu-san!"

"Tobi shut up, you're just like a child sometimes."

"Well you're just a head."

"At least I'm mature."

"At least I can scratch myself."

"I hate you, now I have an itch, scratch it."

"No."

"I WILL KILL YOU; don't fall sleep tonight, MWHAHAHAHA!"

"Ha-ha jokes on you, I'm on the top bunk."

"I hate you so much."

"And I love you too."

"Go away."

"No, only if you say the magic word."

"OMNIS ANIMUS METUS MULTUS VALIDUS ERUS NUMA!"

"What, that's not the magic word."

"TUI SANGUIS ANIMUS EXSISTO EFFUNDO PER NUMA!"

"What, the magic word is please, say it P-L-E-A-S-E."

"Shut Up I'm trying to put a curse on you."

"Oh, well good luck with that, now say please."

"Fine please get away from me!"

"OK."

He put Hidans' head on the table and walks towards Death Valley.

"Ha I showed him… I have an itch, someone scratch it!"

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End of this chapter, please review.


	4. Chapter 4: The Hunt

I have done it, I have done another chapter for a story that already exists, I have not got halfway with one and then started on a new story; currently I am working on 10, so it will take a while to update all of them.  
This is my 4th chapter, I have tried to change my writting style, but I have kept the humor, I have just tried to be more descriptive.  
Please enjoy and review.

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Snow Country Holiday chapter 4: The Hunt.

"Itachi, Kakuzu, do you understand?"  
"Yes, the first one to bring back this ultimate power relic thing is the winner. How much is it worth on the black market?"  
"If you value your life, do not sell it, bring it straight to me. Oh one more thing, if you do not return, you will no longer be part of Akatsuki. Itachi you're very quiet."

"Ha, what? I was not listening; I was looking at that beautiful sunset. It's like the light of a magnificent fire. The type that you set to burn down your village, or kill your clan, or toast marshmallows on with your family. It has such a warm feeling; it reminds you of the mother you miss, the gentle orange so soft and pretty, it reminds you of a big blanket that you shared with your brother on a cold winter night, whilst telling him stories. The soft yet vibrant yellow that reminds you of the glow that comes from a lantern, the lantern that you use to guide you and your brother through a cave, the same lantern that you beat someone over the head with. The warm pinkish-red colour, it's the type of red that reminds you of your mothers' lipstick or the blood of your best friends' family. The dark blue colour of nights coming, the same blue that your neighbour has in his eyes, as you slowly slit his throat. The same blue, which your younger brother had worn on that night you tormented him with his parents dying in front of him for a fixed amount of time. The same blue that you see on a beautiful bluebird as it sings beautiful melodies. It is so magical, such a simple thing as a sunset can have so many factors that bring out so many emotions."  
As Itachi gave his graphic monolog, all the other Akatsuki were crying and holding hands.  
"That was so moving, so wonderful; I never thought about a sunset like that, I think that my soul has just cried."

After a few minutes, the members of Akatsuki had stopped crying, they were focused on the task at hand, mainly because the sunset was gone. After re-explaining the rules to the two participants, they set off.

Kakuzu ran as fast as he could, and he can move very fast, for his age. After an hour of searching a blizzard was starting, he decided to wait it out in a nearby cave: he knew that Itachi would not run around looking for something, unless it was his nail polish.

It had been four hours, the snow storm had not lessened, Kakuzu started to drift off, he awoke suddenly, a strange shadow rushed past his nearly closed eyes. After examining the small cave suspiciously and not finding even a spider he decided that it was his imagination. Starting to doze off again, the strange shadow rushed past, this time he felt its presence, whatever it was, it was fast and dangerous.

Itachi had waited for Kakuzu to run off, he then lazily walked off. Every so often he would kick a small stone out of the way, pretending to look for the relic. By the time the snow storm came to the area that he was is, he was moved seven stones. He saw a small wooden storage shelter, he decided to wait out the storm in there: no point in doing anything when you can't see, he thought to himself.

Four hours later Itachi had repainted his nails, thought what his life would be like if he was a weasel, and had made a warming fire. He started to fall asleep, just before he was completely asleep, he sensed a presence, and saw two large, very fast shadows and then his instincts took over.

He activated his Mangekyou Sharingan, slowly got up and walked up to the wall and put his back against it. His eye sight might be weaker that what it was, but his skills had only increased. He looked around and was nothing, after a few minutes he slowly sat down, still alert.

He looked out the window and saw a sort of reddish white moon. It looks a bit like Tsukuyomi, but a peaceful, more tranquil version. It was the kind of white that you expect to see oozing off of an angel, yet the kind of red tinge that you see in a on a blood stained cloth. The colour that you see on a rose bush, so full of love, the type of moon that tried to be pure but hides a bloody, dark, violent secret, a secret like killing your clan, and no one knowing why.

He looked back in front of him, just in time to see his attacker. Hidan had managed to lick his way off of the table that Tobi had left him on, out of the lobby and into their room, climb up to Tobis' bed and hide under the covers; he would show then that he was still to be feared.

The other members of Akatsuki made their way back to the hotel, had a huge meal, which Kakuzu would be paying for. They all decided to have an early night and went to their rooms.  
"Zetsu-san, would you check under my bed in case there is a monster?"  
"You do know that you're on the top bunk; I would be the one under you?"  
"Zetsu-san, you're the monster?"  
"NO! Look there is nothing under your bed, or under the covers- AAAAAAAAH, WHAT IS THAT IT'S HIDIOUS!!"  
They both run out of the room and into Pein and Konans' room, diving into their arms.

"What are you two doing here?"  
"We saw a monster, it was so ugly: I have never seen anything so hideous and scary."  
"Zetsu are you just playing along with Tobi, or is there really something there?"  
"I promise there was a monster in his bed, I'm scared, hold me Leader." Zetsu said as he whimpered.  
"Fine, I'll go and look, you stay here, cry-babies."

A few seconds later, the most terrified womanly scream was heard, and Pein came rushing into the room, shut the door, moved the beds to block the door and leapt into Tobis' arms, crying.

"Pein stop crying, I'll go and see what it is."  
"No, Konan you mustn't, it will kill you!"  
A few seconds later a slightly less terrified scream was heard, the door was shut and blocked with everything in the room, even the things that were bolted in place. After every one had calmed down, Zetsu said that he had a good idea, he then vanished through the wall.

"Kisame, can you do me a favour?"  
"Sure Zetsu, what is it?"  
"Well this is going to sound strange, but Tobi is afraid of something in his bed, and wants you to see what it is, could you go and look?"  
"Sure."  
With that Zetsu and Kisame left the room and went to Tobis' room, Zetsu then warped through the wall, a few seconds later Kisame was inside Peins' room crying in Tobis' arms, he somehow managed to get inside the room without opening the door or making a hole.

"Well now what are we going to do, it will find a way in and kill us and Kakuzu and Itachi won't be back for a long time."  
"We will just have to wait it out, and hope for the best."  
The five Akatsuki members were crying, until Tobi had an idea.

"What about Deidara-sempai?"  
"Sacrificing him might work, but we have no way of getting to him, I mean it's not like we can just walk through the walls and get him."  
"But Zetsu-san, you can walk through walls, and I wasn't talking about sacrificing him, he could just blow up the room and kill it."  
"Oh, I guess that could work, I'll go get him."

"Deidara, Sasori, we have an emergency, the Leader wants you two to go into my room and examine the top bunk very carefully. This is a test to see how well you two can work together under pressure. Bye."  
"Deidara hurry up."  
"Wait, I'm getting ready."  
"Why are you never prepared?"  
"Must I activate another bomb?"  
"No, let's go."

When they walk into the room, they instantly got ready, Deidara has six clay weasels and Sasori raised his tail. They saw something more under the top bunks cover. Slowly they approach the suspicious object, slowly lifted the cover and attacked when whole bed. After a few seconds they run out of the room and start banging on Peins' door.

When they are finally inside Deidara tells the others what they saw. He explained how they used their strongest attacks and the thing would not die. Sasori said that it was the scariest thing he had ever seen, even in all his years, he would never be prepared enough to look at that thing again.  
"Well we will just have to wait until Itachi comes back."

Itachi woke up; he was tied up, upside down, very high up. He tried to look around, Kakuzu was tied to him, he was still asleep, and talking about money.  
"Kakuzu wake up!"  
"MONEY MINE! I mean what?"  
"We have company..."

"I say we go outside and kill it together. There are seven of us or twelve if I use my other bodies, we are high rank missing-nin, no we are the Akatsuki and we will kill this thing. On the count of three we rush into that room and attack anything that moves. Okay, ready: 1, 2, 3."

And so the twelve Akatsuki rushed into the room and let loose a blaze of techniques. Within an hour they then realised that the thing was gone.  
"Tobi, when we say attack everything that moves, we don't mean us as well."  
"Sorry Zetsu-san."  
"Where did the thing go?"

"Okay, we have searched every inch of the room and can't find it, I say we hunt it down, we will show it that even though the Akatsuki can cry: we are still to be feared!"  
Everyone started to cheer, the receptionist then told them to keep the noise down. They then went out on the hunt.

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I hope you enjoyed my story so far, if you want anything to happen in the next chapter, just tell me in a review, and I will see if I can include it.  
Give comments, ideas, anything, just review.  
Good-bye for now, my friends.


	5. Chapter 5: Run

Chapter 5... is very small, but I am over loaded by other ideas for other stories. The next one might be bigger...  
anyway here it is...

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Chapter 5: Run

Itachi had formulated a plan to escape; all he needed was a distraction, Kakuzu was perfect for that. He used a fire ball to burn the ropes on Kakuzu, his slumbering form hit the ground with a loud thud. This got the attention of all the surrounding guards; they proceeded to beat Kakuzu, while Itachi escaped. It was at this point that Itachi noticed that he was in a labyrinth of epic danger. Every type of trap was hidden or visible, no one was meant to escape.  
"Itachi, run!"  
"What?"  
Kakuzu ran past Itachi, followed by a large group of heavily armored squadron of guards.

The rest of the Akatsuki were on a monster hunt: it was not going well. The monster had evaded their every attack, and had out smarted them in hiding. They had gotten  
paranoid and were jumping at the smallest things.

The two relic hunting Akatsuki were running through a maze of traps and from an angry wolf pack. They were not fully aware of the direction they were heading, nor did they care at present. A dead end was blocking their path up ahead; Kakuzu destroyed the wall with a wind technique. They saw open skies and ran faster, they needed to get out.

Zetsu was leading the Akatsuki through the hallways of the hotel; all were armed and ready for the monster. A shadow could be seen in front of them, they rushed and attacked it. Once the smoke and debris had cleared they found the body of Kakuzu.  
"What are you doing here, go and fetch the relic!"  
"Itachi has it. Why did you all attack me?"  
"We thought you were the monster we were hunting." Tobi explained in only a way he could.  
"So on top of being viciously attacked by wolves and all of my co-nin, there is a monster… I think I'm just going to lie down here…"  
Itachi kicked down a portion of a wall and muttered something about using Mangekyou too much. "What are we all doing in the hallway, here's your relic by the way."  
"We are hunting a monster, we need your help Itachi."  
"Sure why not."

The Akatsuki members started their new search for the monster, with two new members they were sure they could beat the monster.  
Seven minutes later eight S rank missing Nin all ran out of the hotel, screaming in very terrified voices.

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Thanks for reading, please review... and this one ended the way it did to allow me to make something specail in the next chapter ...


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